Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look
and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details,
you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want
to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having
to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards,
easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about
10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Fly NT (pre-release)
The passengers march out onto the runway, say the password in unison,
and form the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make
a whooshing sound just like they were really flying.
NT Air (post-release)
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together
piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are
supposed to be building.
Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a
small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a
wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the
in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
Air Taligent
You apply for a ticket 24 to 36 months in advance, paying a large
application fee. Then you are alerted that "exclusive" ticket slots
will be available, but on a first-come-first-served basis. There is no
scheduled departure time for any flight, but the "exclusive" ticket will
ensure you get your seat on the first flight.. whenever that is.
After purchasing this "exclusive" ticket upgrade, at an exorbitant price,
you never hear from Air Taligent again. After 8 months you call the airline
and ask them about the status of your flight. They politely inform you
of a "slight slip" in the take-off schedule and advise you to call again
in about 6 months. At this point you are somewhat irate and the Taligent
ticket agent offers you this consolation: you're entitled to a privileged
"simulation" of what the flight would be like once they do build the
plane -- just stop by any time.
Newton Airways
After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board
the aircraft. Upon boarding you are asked your name. After 46 repetitions,
the crew member recognizes your name and you are permitted to take a
seat. Just as you are sitting down, the steward announces that you
will have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and
need to re-count to see how many more passengers they can admit.
Palm Air
You are astonished at the number of passengers who can sit
comfortably in the tiny and elegant airframe. You are also
astonished, though less pleasantly, when your itinerary reveals
14 stopovers on your way across country . . . for refueling.